I should be doing 500 other things but I’m just to excited to start the next season of Orange is the new black!!
I feel like I need a translator to be heard sometimes. I’m never really understood when I try expressing myself and what bothers me. My boyfriend for example sometimes refuses to acknowledge that my feelings are important. He cares more about being right and shutting me up instead of actually understanding what bothers me. Every time something bothers me and I tell him, I end up feeling like it was my fault in the first place.
I don’t like who I am when I’m with my boyfriend sometimes. He cheated once so I can become annoying, untrusting, overbearing, and complain too much. I’m afraid he’ll get sick of me and stop loving me or worse…he’ll cheat again. I’m on edge a lot fearing that everything I do upsets him or annoys him. I love him though.
No idea what I want in life but I do know…I love light shades of blue. I love the smell of roses and the air after it rains. I love candles and the soft light they create. I love going to concerts and traveling. I love the first winter snowfall and the first summer beach trip. I love people who can make me laugh. I love cuddling. I love binge watching shows. But I am very anxious and I overthink everything. I just need to breathe and remember all the things I love that make life wonderful.
Relationships should be a relief and break from all the other stress in life. Some people boost our energy reserves while others drain us dry.
It seems like no one wants to be around me, not my boyfriend, not my friends. My boyfriend ignores me a lot and doesn’t care to talk to me, same as friends. I’ve always been very negative my entire life and I feel like its ruining my life. I hate being negative but I can’t help it. It’s like I have bad energy that makes people not want to be around me.
I always want more for myself, but then again can you blame me? I am human. Yesterday I was told,
Judging yourself is a learned trait
How the heck did I learn that…